I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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