I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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