This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
