Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
