you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
