theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
