My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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