Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
