I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
