Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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