I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
