i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
