you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize