bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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