Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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