Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
