naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
