I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
