so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
