you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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