I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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