nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
