Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
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Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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