An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
