11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
