I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
