I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
