the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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