I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
