I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
