Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
