The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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