I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
