I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
