my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
we should paint friendship bongs
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
