white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
