Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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