Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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