apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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