We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
