well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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