so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
