32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
