I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
