It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
