Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
