if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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