I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Are we still banned from the library?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
