This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize