I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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