he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
