YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
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