I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
