just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
