What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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