Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
