I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
