I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
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hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
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I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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