I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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