i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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