im holly from the hills drunk
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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