wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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