Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
