OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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