we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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