The brown eye won't let me do that either.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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