whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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