Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
