Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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