I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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