did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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