we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
