I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he was CRYING into my vagina
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
