Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
